


No Respect for the Elderly

by Scotland_Axel (orphan_account)



Series: Two Old Men Still Madly in Love [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Old Married Couple, Older Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 22:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13557276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Scotland_Axel
Summary: “No, nuh-uh, not happening.”“But c’moooon, Sam! It’s not like we’d be misusing them per say — we’re both old, these things are made for us. You owe me, we came to this God forsaken shopping mall at ten and it’s four o’clock. I’m missing Ellen for this, not to mention Dr. Phil!”“Dr. Phil, Steve? Really? That’s your bargaining for jousting in these stupid geriatric motorized scooters?”





	No Respect for the Elderly

“Steve, we have to go shopping.” Sam says, and watches his husband’s shoulders slump before he turns to look at him with a pout.

“Why?” He asks, and puppy dog eyes should not be so effective on a man in his late fucking seventies.

“Because you only wear two pairs of sweatpants and one pair has five holes in them. I know you hate it, but we should go shopping.” Sam says, and Steve rolls his eyes, moving one hand to slip a finger through the hole of his sweatpants right at his hip.

Steve sighs and slips the glasses off his face to massage the bridge of his nose, letting the newspaper in his hands fall to the table. “Fine, just promise me we won’t be all day.”

“Promise.”

Which leads them here, the next day with Steve wiggling his eyebrows at Sam, a mischievous look in his eyes.

Sam shakes his head, “No, nuh-uh, not happening.”

Steve flails his arms which are full of shopping bags and whines, “But _c’moooon, Sam!_ It’s not like we’d be misusing them _per say_ — we’re both old, these things are _made_ for us. You owe me, we came to this God forsaken shopping mall at ten and it’s four o’clock. I’m missing Ellen for this, not to mention Dr. Phil!”

Sam groans and rolls his eyes, “Dr. Phil, Steve? Really? That’s your bargaining for jousting in these stupid geriatric motorized scooters?”  
Steve glares at him, “You know I _love_ Dr. Phil. You owe me this... _please?”_

Sam tsks and puts their bags aside before climbing into a scooter and taking the stupid pool noodle out of Steve’s hand.

“How can you be such a damn child at seventy-eight?” Sam asks.

Steve chuckles happily as he climbs into his own scooter and says, “Shut up. I’m fun.”

Sam rolls down the aisle and turns around to face Steve, who’s grinning like the idiot he is.

“Ready?” He asks, smirking.

“Shut up, geezer, let’s do this.” Sam says, and moves his scooter forward at full speed.

The couple jousts for a good ten minutes before they get caught by a very jaded looked teenage Target employee.

She blows her bubblegum and lets it pop before raising an eyebrow and saying, “You two are the first old guys I’ve caught jousting in the motor carts. I don't want to have to ban you from Target. That’s depressing.”

“Don't we get a warning or something first?” Steve asks, and his puppy dog eyes are useless.

“Captain America shouldn’t need a warning. What the hell are you guys doing anyway? Shouldn’t you be saving the world? Or talking bad about millenials?”

Sam squints at her but she remains deadpan, and he gestures between himself and Steve, “You know we’re almost eighty, right?”

Steve snorts, “Yeah, if I tried to save the world now, I’d throw my back out for a week.”

Sam laughs, and elbows him, “That was a good one.”

“Thanks.”   
“Yes, ha-ha, very fun, can you two old ass superheroes get out of my Target now? That’s your warning, by the way.” The teen, Ellie, says.

Sam glares at her and stands up, “Fine. But we’re not putting the carts back, Ms. Attitude.”

Steve stands up too, but reluctantly. “Sam, we should put the carts up.”

Sam says, “Steve, you’re not a superhero anymore, stop being such a goody-two-shoes.”

Ellie rolls her eyes and walks away from them, “I never knew both Captain Americas were such lamoes.”

Sam shakes his head and gripes, “There’s no respect for the elderly these days.”


End file.
